


To Walk in Your Shadow

by Syksy



Category: Vampire Chronicles - Anne Rice
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2018-12-18
Packaged: 2019-09-21 14:00:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17045057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Syksy/pseuds/Syksy
Summary: Claudia and Madeleine survive. And Claudia keeps on surviving, until it is not enough anymore.





	To Walk in Your Shadow

**Author's Note:**

  * For [teethandstars](https://archiveofourown.org/users/teethandstars/gifts).



> Thank you to Kalypsobean for the beta!

Playing the little girl was so very easy. Claudia could not recall any great moment of realization when it had become an act instead of a truth she actually lived. The early years were too hazy for that. But she supposed that at one point she had actually been that young. Everyone around her had been a child once, strange though it seemed to her. They had grown and changed, both inside and outside. Every adult face she saw held the memory of another, an earlier, simpler version of the person they were now.

She was fascinated by children. Their games and the way they seemed to believe in things and not believe at the same time. The way they still mostly worked by instinct. Sometimes she'd try to befriend them but her act did not work on them nearly as well as it did on adults. They could tell that something was off, and sometimes they'd even try to be unkind. That was naturally fun, but it did ruin the experiment. 

Madeleine had wanted that. She had ached for it. And for a while Claudia had been so grateful to be on her own, to finally make all the decisions, to not be reminded of the past in any way, shape or form, that she had been happy to play along. It had even been sort of enjoyable, to be adored without question. But questions were the problem, and so were conversations of any kind. Madeleine did not really want to speak with her. As bad as Louis and Lestat had at times been, at least one of them could always be relied upon to be interested in her thoughts about whatever she wished to discuss. But Madeleine wanted to pretend, and it grated on Claudia, even if she had to admit to understanding the temptation. Sometimes she would have liked to pretend too. Sometimes she loathed the necessity of it more than anything on earth. Having that choice was what was important. Choice had been one of the things she craved and she had found that she still did not have it. 

They were happy, or at least something close to it, for a while. Maybe a decade or two; she did not really count the years. They wandered around the continent, never stopping anywhere for more than a season or two. More than anything, they wanted to avoid drawing any kind of notice. Claudia was not keen on having to escape a coven of self righteous vampires again, or a mob of superstitious mortals either, for that matter. That first time had been close enough to death for her liking. 

Mostly they stayed in smaller towns, villages and country mansions. Claudia reasoned that if there were yet others of their kind that might wish to do them harm, they would be staying in cities, where hiding one's kills was easy and remaining anonymous, simple. She would have done that, were she not too cautious and afraid. Yes, afraid, of death and of pain. It did not make her proud, that admission, but she never lied to herself. There needed to be one person in the world who really knew her and understood. 

But Claudia had grown so tired with Madeleine. She was so very bored with hiding and playacting. There was a need in her for something more. She longed for the pulsing life of a great city, for parties that never ended, lights shining all through the night in ballrooms and taverns. She would risk almost anything for the sheer ecstasy of a crowd, throbbing with life and taste and smell and pleasure enveloping her in its arms, carrying her in a wave of humanity, intoxicating and fragile. 

So they went to Amsterdam. Madeleine did not protest, she never did, but Claudia knew she was worried. She did not care. If Claudia only could have, she would've left her behind in the town where they had last rented rooms. Let Madeleine keep the fields and the river and the peasants all too eager to please ”the lovely French lady and her adorable daughter”. But she knew she couldn't. Even if she managed the travel on her own, claiming a guardian was awaiting her at the journey's end, no one would ever let her take rooms at a hotel, never mind some more permanent accommodation. 

Claudia was not sure if she liked the Dutch houses. They were narrow and confining, but the way they were squeezed together in a mishmash of colours and designs appealed to something in her. She was certain of her love of the canals though. The way the light reflected on them, from windows and streetlamps, and even boats that mortals actually lived in, right on the water, was a delight to her.

The first night, they strolled the streets and indulged in the variety of human life on offer in one of the world's busiest ports, from dockworkers to staid merchant's wives, to prostitutes from far off lands. The second night she met Theda. 

It was in a dimly lit salon, late at night when the candles had burned low, their flames flickering in a last attempt to fight the drowning wax and darkness. Claudia had drawn to a corner, pretending to doze so that no one would have the bright idea of sending her to bed. She watched a pair of illicit lovers steal away and half heartedly considered following them. But she had already fed that night, and they were not what she'd come here for, anyway. There had been something strange about the lady of the house when they had met that evening, like a scent of danger in the air or a song that Claudia could almost hear when she looked at her. She had had to use all of her best tricks to be invited up, but she just had to learn what it was. 

Then she entered the room. There was no sound, but everyone's eyes turned to the slight figure, emerging like an apparition from the darkness of the corridor, lamp held high. For a moment Claudia even forgot to be afraid. So this was what had so tantalized her, the essence of another immortal, somehow clinging to a mortal woman. Then Madeleine gasped and she remembered too. This was not a great discovery, not a chance to learn more about herself and the world. No, this was a threat, an enemy, pain and death suddenly at her heels once more. 

The newcomer was alone, though. At least Claudia hoped she was. So they were two against one, small as she was, useless as Madeleine was. And it just might be that the other vampire would not want to make a scene, in front of all these mortals. 

Claudia started to edge towards the door, signalling Madeleine with her eyes to do the same. As she moved, she kept her gaze firmly on the new vampire, who floated in and bend to kiss the cheek of their hostess, seeming to pay them no mind. Only after some words of warm welcome and apologies for being so late did the newcomer raise her dark eyes to meet Claudia's. Then she smiled. 

It was not a cruel smile, it did not appear to hide hatred or horror behind it's facade. But still Claudia knew better than to trust it. She kept moving and was almost out the door, Madeleine clinging desperately to her hand, when she heard the vampire say, as if right next to her ear: ”We shall speak later.” She glanced back, more quickly than a mortal could see, but the stranger had not moved. Indeed she seemed to be having an animated conversation with the lady of the house, not even looking their way.

It was too close to dawn to try and leave the town. They would not have gotten far enough away for it to make any difference, before being forced to the ground. Better to hope that they were not threatening, or interesting enough, to pursue straight away. Better to make plans and perhaps take a ship to some other continent, much as the idea of it disgusted Claudia.

The next night she was outside their house when they woke. Claudia knew it before even opening her eyes. She felt the presence of another immortal like a glow against her eyelids. This had never happened before, but somehow there was no doubt in her. The vampire had found them and now it was all too late to flee. Not knowing what else to do, fighting panic and yet strangely calm, she went downstairs to open the door. ”Good evening,” the visitor said, "My name is Theda. Or Theodora, if you like, but I do not really use that anymore. May I come in?”

And in the end, it was that easy. They talked for weeks. They had endless conversations about their condition, about the mortal coil. About art and poetry and the way blood sometimes could taste like the memory of sunshine, or at least what they imagined the sun had been like. Neither of them could truly remember the reality of it. They spent nights on end without going out to feed, too immersed in each other to leave. Just a sip of Theda's blood could keep Claudia's hunger away. It was a wonder to her, this rich ancient nectar and the memories the other vampire let freely flow with it. This mentor did not hold anything back out of malice or a desire for power over her. And when met with questions that she could not answer, Theda admitted it freely, citing some philosopher on the mysteries of the universe, the finite nature of knowledge .

But they hunted together as well. They chose their victims impulsively, taken by the moment or tempted by the sight of some rare and wonderful specimen of humankind. Or they plotted, concocting elaborate schemes to lure their victims, guilty and innocent alike, to their certain doom. There was a dark joy in the blood of an evildoer, when the taste of triumph in it morphed into fear and despair. And an even darker one, in the purity of a rare and untainted soul, led astray by good intentions and only just understanding to fear, at the threshold of death. Hunting with Lestat had been art, a play in which they acted together, but this was something more. 

Theda had been a little older than Claudia when she died. In the uncertain light of candles she could pass for an adult, a tiny, fine boned woman, but a woman all the same. She was even more convincing as a boy, though, her hair cut shockingly short, just reaching the tip of her chin. The woman was a part that needed more effort, with hairpieces and clever padding in the bodice of her dress. Sometimes Claudia still envied her. No amount of artifice would be enough to make her look any other than she did. But at least for now, it was a hollow jealousy, easily buried and nearly forgotten. Too many other thoughts needed her attention more.

”Do you want to come with me?” Theda asked. Such a simple question, but not one Claudia could remember ever being asked before, at least not in the way that she meant it. Claudia looked at Madeleine, could not help but look. This is where a mortal, or Louis, would feel sad, she thought. She was not sad, but it did feel strange, letting go. ”I understand,” Theda said, ”I used to need a man. In older times. I could not live alone, travel alone. A woman was not a person, alone.” She smiled, kindly, Claudia thought, or maybe with sarcasm. She still found it hard to read the other vampire.

”You don't need anyone, anymore?” Claudia asked. Theda did not answer, at first, but she did not need to. The question had been foolish.

They were walking along one of the canals, passing the time after a play. Madeleine was lagging behind them, not exactly uninvited but clever enough to know that she was intruding. She still came along, Claudia's increasingly desperate shadow. She reminded her of Louis, in a way. Longing for something that did not exist, maybe never had existed.

“Need and want are different things,” Theda said after a while. “You know this. You think you need me, and maybe you do. Now and for a while. But in the end you will not. So I ask again, do you want to come?”

Of course she said yes. Theda’s words were true, all of them. But she stayed with her long after she needed to. Simply because she wanted it, and so did Claudia.


End file.
